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So Apropos
Saw death on a sunny snowFor every life, forego the parable. Seek the light, my knees are cold. (Running home, running home) Go find another lover; To bring and- to string along. With all your lies, you're still very lovable. I toured the light, so many foreign roads For Emma, forever ago. |
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about art.
Art is what you can get away with.
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bridget.carine. divinia. jieyang. gabby. michelle. monica. muk. patricia. sara. wendy. PLAYLIST twitter
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon. |
you know that I could use somebody
And... we graduated.I guess when everyone had began to feel the absolution of the end of our life in CJC, some feeling sad(?) about leaving, I was a little numb to it. Bored even. Its a little hard to explain how I'm feeling about it now, but its like a recollection of my two years in CJC. Not happiness, not sadness, nor any other absolute emotion. I remember the high expectations I had for that place, but being plunged into it - I had initially lost myself to the voices louder than my own. I had broken and lost, but later found. And for finding I am grateful. For friends, I am grateful. And even if many people don't realize, the truth is that I am rebuilding my life, bit by bit. I'm reconstructing myself, moulding and reforming like clay, and what I used to be is slowly disappearing, as people who had known what I was slowly disappear into their own lives. I am proud, yes. What spurred these thoughts were this piece of yellow paper from last year, a letter written to myself. And though it didn't seem to say much, it spoke loudly to me. I spoke of transformation, of moving on. But it also spoke of strangeness, of alienation from who I was, and of that I am torn between disgust in myself or pride. Being a stranger to myself is a terrifying thing, and while I had struggled to become this thing I am today, the pros and cons of this situation and teetering on a point. I'll miss some things. I await others. I know this post is probably confusing some, but for an occasional piece of personal self, I thought this may be ambiguous enough ;) Like a code I know you can understand. And you is... well... whoever I want you to be. Lets just say that, when you hit rock bottom, the hardest thing to do is to get back up. But if you never give up, I swear to you, you'll get there. |